Heirs? The Fire Lord needs HEIRS!
by norsegodchick13
Summary: Zuko, in need of a partner, randomly asks Sokka to marry him. Sokka refuses, of course, how would two guys produce heirs? However, there's a way to do that, and for some reason Zuko really wants to marry Sokka.


"People are expecting the Fire Lord to produce an heir sometime soon."

Zuko had expected to hear that sometime soon. The tea shop in Ba Sing Se made the atmosphere a little bit better, but the dreadful words quickly brought the happiness and joyfulness and all that crap that went with the Jasmine Dragon to a stop. Katara's giggle only made things much, much, worse.

"I'll get back together with Mai." He shrugged. Sure, he didn't actually love her, but the plan would work.

"Again? Fire Lord Zuko, she's not going to take you back a 6th time." Iroh started on another pot of tea.

"Yeah, probably not. Uh... Toph's a Bei Fong, isn't she?"

Katara laughed again. "Toph? She's four years younger than you, and I don't think she'd take the whole marriage thing well. Sokka would make a better bride. In fact, if it's legal, he'd make a great bride for you."

"Hm..."

"What?" Sokka shouted. "Marry him? No offense, but we're both dudes! And how, exactly, would we produce heirs?"

Zuko pressed his face back into the table. That was a problem. With Sokka, they could have a quick, informal wedding, make a baby or two, and be off on their merry ways. Of course, the babymaking part wouldn't at all work out. Sure, they could have sex, but they both lacked things like ovaries and eggs.

"Actually, I've heard of a few rare potions. If they're drunk by both partners, they allow one to give birth."

Zuko immediately brightened up. "Okay, so we drink the potions, bang each other a few times, heirs, then we're done. Sokka, will you marry me?"

"NO!"

"I'm sorry for your rejection." Iroh handed Zuko a cup of tea. Katara seemed to be unable to stop giggling.

"Shut up!" Zuko shouted at her.

"Besides, how would we decide who got to give birth and who didn't?"

"We have two kids. That way, if something happens to one, we have the other." Zuko brainstormed.

"You two will make such _great_ parents." She took a sip of tea, looking extremely smug.

"You really think so?"

"It was sarcasm..." Sokka sighed. "And I'm _not _having sex with Zuko. That's final."

"Damn..."

"Why are you disappointed?" He grabbed the table, getting his face as close to Zuko's as possible without kissing... the fire lord. _That _would be awkward.

"I need to marry _someone_."

"I only just broke up with Suki!"

"That makes it even more convenient." Katara's way of ruining this moment was really... special.

"Please?"

"Aw, well, when you say it like that..."

Zuko's expression was filled with such hope... and joy... which was odd... Sokka didn't want to change it. But...

"NO! Now let me get back to my painting."

Sokka ran the brush over the paper in silence. Zuko didn't mention marriage, and Katara left. Iroh played the Tsungi horn, creating an odd soundtrack to the whole thing.

"Pai sho, anyone?" Zuko asked in the most awkward possible way.

"Sure." Iroh got out the board, and they began to place pieces.

"Ooh! I'll play winner!"

Some time in the future, Zuko came out the victor. "Nice job, nephew."

"Thank you."

"Now I'll play Sparky!" Sokka moved into Iroh's spot.

"Hey, I have an idea for a bet." Zuko suggested, playing the first piece.

"Yeah? What is it?" The water tribesman put his piece down, meeting Zuko's eyes with a challenge.

"If I win, you marry me. If I lose, you don't."

"Fire Lord Zuko, I don't think that you should bet a marriage on a game-"

"You're gonna lose, so it doesn't matter!" Sokka grinned. "It's on!"

"Prepare to pick out a wedding outfit."

"Maybe you should work on your flirting skills. Although most girls dig power."

"We're gonna have to find that potion. Any ideas on where it is?"

"Enjoy bachelorhood."

"Top or bottom?"

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

"Hi Toph. She's right here, why don't you engage her already?"

"What?"

"I don't support polygamy."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm staying single!"

"Still have your v-card? Not after this game you won't!"

"Oh, you'll still have yours for a while, don't worry."

"Unless I'm mistaken, you only get one."

"Mai's not gonna take you back!"

"Neither are Suki or Yue!"

"Oh, you did not just go there!"

"Good, I want a bride that's feminine!"

"You're gay, aren't you?"

"And you're not?"

"Easy, Sparky!" Toph shouted, dodging a blast of fire.

Iroh grabbed both of their arms. "Enough!"

"Sorry, uncle." Zuko sat back down. Sokka nodded, and placed a piece. They played in silence.

"Um, would anyone mind telling me what the hell you're talking about?" Toph asked.

"My nephew has decided that whoever wins this game of Pai Sho will decide if they marry or not." Iroh handed her a cup of tea. "Personally, I don't think it's such a great idea."

"Marry? Sparky's looking for an heir?"

"Yes, he is. He wants to marry Sokka, but Sokka wants to stay single. So, they're playing Pai Sho over it." He explained.

"I hope Sparky wins." Toph laughed evilly enough for a random bolt of lightning to burst through the room.

"What the heck?"

"Sorry, I thought it fit the mood."

"You're still gonna lose."

"We'll see about that."

"Imagine. Snoozles marrying Sparky." She leaned back. "Which one's wearing the dress at the ceremony?"

"There won't _be _a ceremony!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I must go and get some ingredients for tea. Please don't destroy the shop while I'm gone." Iroh said, getting up and leaving the trio alone.

"You know what I wanna know? Why Sparky's so set on marrying Snoozles anyway."

The insults between Zuko and Sokka stopped. They stopped playing pieces. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

"Why _do _you wanna marry me so much?"

"Convenience?"

"Please, you're lying. If you wanted convenience anyway, you wouldn't have broken up with Mai."

"Because... Sokka's my... friend?"

"I can feel you blushing. Seriously. It's like, you're in love with Snoozles."

"I'm not in love with Sokka!" The pieces on the Pai Sho table flipped into the air, messing up the game. Toph had to dodge fire again.

"Sparky, stop it!"

"If you liked me, why didn't you just say so?"

"I don't like Sokka! I mean - I don't _dislike _Sokka, and he's - ah, you know what I mean!"

"Lying. Sparky's in lurrrrrrrrrrrrrvvvvvv..."

"Nnngahhh!" Zuko banged his head against the table. "Look, this is none of your business!"

"It's totally Snoozle's business!"

"Fine. But Toph, get out!" Toph jumped away from yet another burst of flame.

"Okay Sparky. See ya." She shut the door.

"So... you like me?" Sokka absentmindedly picked up the Pai Sho pieces off the ground.

"Yeah. A lot." Zuko had managed to control his temper and bring his anger level back down to normal. "I don't know, I guess I was just too focused on all my fantasies to see reality."

"Fantasies?" Sokka raised an eyebrow, and got hit with a tray.

"Shut up."

"Well, I'm not agreeing to marriage just yet, but... we could hang out... I guess." He shrugged.

"Yeah, that would be great." Zuko stacked the pieces on the board.

Several minutes later, Iroh returned. "I can't believe that I was unable to find any of the ingredients I needed! Oh, who won?"

"Er..."

"You'll find out?"

* * *

><p><strong>Review or I sic Sparky on you.<strong>

**:D**


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